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Reading

Yup, almost two weeks since last entry, and I wish there was a lot to report, but it’s been mostly a time of thinking, along with a fair bit of reading. I’ve just read the first collection of Arthur Conan Doyle’s Sherlock Holmes stories, which are very entertaining. I’ll probably read the others when I have chance, but I have a lot of other stuff to read, too.
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Money Money Money

I did need a break. In theory. But I ended up feeling pretty miserable most of the weekend, and guess what? The main reason was about the old chestnut itself: money.

Many things revolve around it. I don’t have much of it. I’d like lots of it. But hell, wouldn’t we all. I suppose if nothing else it has put me into a frame of mind where I’m fumbling for money-making schemes, and who knows, something might take off.
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Unfair Cop

Well, trip to London tomorrow and weekend break. And I really do need it. This has been a slightly stressful week—and yesterday, I was almost copped!

It was innocent enough. I went into a local Superdrug to pick up some deodorant and whatever, and when I left a security guard nabbed me and accused me of shoplifting! (No, I hadn’t been!) So he took me back into the store and insisted on checking my bag and receipt, but that wasn’t enough for him. He said, ‘I’ll have to get a female assistant to…’ Suddenly, my mind raced with paranoia! I was thinking, ‘N-n-not a strip search?’ But he went on, ‘…search your pockets.’

Unfair Cop

Then I got annoyed, and emptied the pockets of my jacket myself, exclaiming the nature of each item aloud as I did so. Apparently, this still didn’t satisfy him. He asked, ‘Whose wallet is that?’ I was about to go apeshit at that point, but another security guard showed up and started apologising for the ‘mistake’ profusely. My accuser beat a hasty retreat, and I screamed, ‘So how do I complain about that asshole?’
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Still Dreamin’

I remember another dream. Well, some of it. I was in a social situation, and for some bizarre reason became fixated upon my top, which was black—I wanted to change it to a red one which I happened to have handy, but under the circumstances it was kinda difficult.
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Sweet Dreams are Made of This

Strange dream last night. It was about some CD albums I own, but their titles seemed to be slightly ‘wrong,’ making me paranoid about them—like I thought I’d bought the wrong versions or something. Really silly, pointless stuff. When I woke up, I almost went to check the titles on the things, but I quickly got a reality check. I don’t really enjoy dreams like that. They’re not particularly symbolic or creative… just confusing.
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Karaoke Queen

I got asked to a pub last night where there was some karaoke going on. I don’t have a single clue why I bothered, because the mere concept is depressing—this is the kind of hopeless naffness you get sucked into when you don’t have a life. And sure enough, a parade of ageing and not-so-ageing exhibitionists mounted the stage and murdered a stream of 30-year-old songs that were crap to begin with.
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How to Fail

Two weeks and no entries! Well, yeah. Nothing has really changed in the last fortnight. I guess I’m stuck with a genuine tendency towards persistence, i.e. I persist in spite of no break from my angst and having major trouble generally. Being blasé is the best policy, but I never got the hang of that. I think my life has always been one of belief and integrity, insofar as that’s possible, but experience tells me it’s not a recipe for success. Not giving much of a fuck about anything is probably the path to success. But if I could be like that, I’d be someone else. Convenient personality changes aren’t part of my repertoire, unfortunately.
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I am the Weakest Link!

Irregular blog entries = strong indication of continuing lack of enthusiasm.

How do I feel at the moment? Good and bad, in an odd sort of way. At times, I think I have a shitload of things to say here but my mind often goes blank when it comes to putting them down—quite often, it’s fleeting observations on some television programme I watched, etc., so nothing too exciting.

On the telly theme, it bothers me a bit that I sit and watch Who Wants to be a Millionaire and The Weakest Link, not with detached boredom but almost a genuine level of interest! Am I turning into a middle-aged couch potato? Even worse, the ‘Who Shot Phil?’ palaver on EastEnders had me fairly gripped. I should be ashamed of myself.
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Isolated

I’ve had a few really quite supportive e-mails in the last couple of weeks. I’m sure I come across as ungrateful sometimes, which is unfortunate,… Read More »Isolated