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Creativity

Marie Portrait 2019

Yes, the star of Club Vamporama! I’m calling it 2019 because I wanted to revisit a piece I did back in February 2011. I liked the concept, but the execution was really quite poor—at the time a few people were positive about it, but one lispy-voiced person was quite critical… and basically they were right, whatever their motives. It was very amateurish indeed.

Marie Portrait 2019
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No, a real posting this time…

Last one was quite a weak excuse, wasn’t it? But, I’m in a Web Mood. I’ve just been brushing up on my Web skills a bit and thought I’d upgrade the place and add a few ideas I hit on elsewhere. And say hello, if anyone’s still reading. Always appreciate feedback, but prefer it not to be of an anyonymous nature.

My financial situation is still dreadful and the hunt for regular, stable work continues. Yeah, I’m told about my boundless talent quite often; just hasn’t paid off a great deal to date. But I’m still slogging away trying to get to a better position.
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The Poison Pen Returns

The good news is, I’m hopefully writing something again. I mean writing as in it being published somewhere other than this Web site. More details when it seems appropriate.

As to my latest project idea: this is maybe my fifth in two years! All dead ducks. Maybe this will be different, but I’m gonna keep it purely speculative. My ability to ‘realise’ ideas has taken one or three knocks.
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This Week’s Brainstorm

Should I mention I have another project idea? It might be tempting fate, since in recent years, every idea I’ve had has either been unfeasible or has stalled irrevocably!

But I’m toying with ideas, and again, being drawn to the online PDF format. It’s not a format I prefer, but it’s a question of money. I’ve done small press stuff in the past on a shoe-string, but I like to feel a sense of progression—and printed material is a high-cost kind of progression.
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Does a New Year Mean Anything?

I’m not sorry to see 2003 go. It was in some ways a significant year… we got the house move situation sorted out, finally, and I made the arguably foolish decision to kiss Der State Benefit System goodbye because I no longer felt my life was my own…

That said, I can no longer define a year as a unit as precisely as I felt I once could. Each year once appeared to have a particular ‘personality,’ which no longer seems to be the case (to me). Well, after all, a year is just an arbitrary unit of measurement, so the former impression was probably illusory.
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Slight Improvement?!

I’m experiencing some emotional turmoil, with various factors ever-present. My employment situation, general isolation and lack of self-belief, etc. They’re big issues, without any obvious answers, and it drags my morale down constantly. It is possible in fifteen years to go from thinking you have tons of creative potential to believing you’re worth nothing. A long cycle of non-success is usually sufficient.
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Back and Forth

No, I haven’t abandoned the blog. I just haven’t had much to say, really. Mom and I both had a nasty cold week before last (caught from her boss), and with mom’s health not being great, she’s still suffering the effects, so it’s been a subdued atmosphere.

I got asked for a blowjob today by someone about 15 years my junior. Charming folk round here! But, I guess, the nearest thing to a proposition I’m gonna get anytime soon. 🙂
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Moving On

As noted in the previous comments thingy, I made the decision Monday that I’d had enough of the endless New Deal harassments (it’s been going on in some form or other since March). I had two appointments in one day: I neglected to attend both of them.

The government will, of course, suspend my benefit almost immediately. Well, tough! I almost took this route four months ago, but someone out there (not a Jobcentre person, I hasten to add) decided to treat me with a bit of understanding. Fine. But enough’s enough. Their tiny handouts just aren’t worth the stress. Sunday, I had a recurrence of IBS, which hasn’t bothered me for a year or so. By Monday, it was crippling me. Funnily enough, it’s mostly subsided now. I might be in deep shit as far as money goes, but I feel a lot less stressed out.

Oh, I haven’t a clue what to do. Broadly speaking, I think I have to consider myself self-employed at the moment and figure out if I can make money from something for once in my life.
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