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Creativity

Too Much Analysis

I’ve been thinking about human interaction a bit. Bad idea. Thinking usually ends up troubling me.

Sometimes, it seems to me that a lot of human interaction is bullshit. You pretend to feel better than you really do whenever possible, pretend to be more interesting than you think you really are, and generally ‘sell’ yourself. I’m absolutely useless at doing this. You’d think, understanding the theory, I might not be quite so pathetic at it—then again, part of the problem is understanding it, because then you start to question its futility or dishonesty and open another massive can of worms. Oboy. Too much time on my hands = too much analysis.

Work situation… a brief rant…
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Another Year Ends

This entry will smack of tokenism, as it’ll likely be the last one of this year. Best wishes for the new one to those who care.

Since this has become more a book/film comment sort of blog lately (accident not design), I’ll mention a couple of purchases. I took advantage of WHSmith’s sale, picking up the videos of Jeepers Creepers and A.I. (Artificial Intelligence) for £4.49 each. A good deal for a couple of pretty successful 2001 films.
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Retail Therapy

Today, being out shopping (for food, not pleasure, alas), I passed a book store and I of course succumbed. Some people buy shoes; some people can’t pass a novelty shop without buying some little cuddly toy; but me, I guess it’s books. It used to be comics more than books, but books are better value for money these days, and comics don’t have many Jack Kirbys out there anymore. (*sigh* I might get nostalgic.)

It was a close one. This store had several copies of Stephen King’s Cycle of the Werewolf, with wonderful illustrations by Bernie Wrightson. I wanted this so much when I heard about it maybe 17 years ago, but amazingly, I have never seen it for sale anywhere. I didn’t even know it was still in print. Anyway, that’s earmarked for purchase v.v. soon. I passed it today.
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HTML

Hm. Someone recently suggested Web design as a possible career for me. I’m not really convinced. I mess about with Web design occasionally out of boredom as much as anything else. I’m not sure I enjoy it much, and the results are usually disappointing, because my design skills are never really up to realising what’s in my head.
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Creativity Redux

More on creative stuff (see May 26th). It’s hard to express my feelings on it, since they’re so changeable. But I think the basic thrust is that when I try to pressure myself into writing with the purpose of making money in mind, the enjoyment factor does drain away, completely… so that it’s no longer so easy for me to see how I feel about it at all… the money thing confuses the issue, confuses my feelings, and compounds my cynicism about the whole thing, not to mention my sense of being a failure.

*sigh* I think it’s far too complicated to unravel properly, to be honest.

Whatever the case, I seem to be not even trying at the moment. Maybe something will come to me, maybe it won’t. But I reckon I should let it come naturally.
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The Meaning of Whatever

Hmmm… well, I’m not even sure I have a need to do this blog anymore. But I guess I’ll keep it, at least until a better idea turns up. Maybe I’ll think of a good use for it sometime.

‘What about all your moaning about how crappy life is?’ Yeah, exactly. I’ve noticed that a lot of people use their blogs for that purpose and it makes me think, maybe perversely, that it must be a bit of a naff thing to do! In any case, I’d like to think that my desire to moan is diminishing… I could pretty easily whine about our dog’s illness, or the fact that my social life is, to say the least, minimalistic, but… it’s old. Been there, done it.
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Creativity

Thinking about creative stuff. Again.

I’m not sure I actually enjoy writing all that much… the results can be pleasing on occasion, but the process itself, I’m not so sure about… I have a strong feeling I’m just grasping at something a few people seem to think I do well. I’ve read interviews with lots of writers and they always say, ‘I just have to write. Even if I was penniless and a complete failure, I’d still have a write. It’s a need.’ I don’t feel that. I’m just trying to find something that I can earn money from.

I did enjoy drawing. A long time ago. But once I realised I was crap, the enjoyment disappeared a good deal, because I’d spent several years chasing something I wasn’t real good at.
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