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Preoccupied

It hasn’t been a week for drawing anything. Too much on my mind, I suppose. I’ve been looking for a job, i.e. full-time & salaried—down in the London area. I’ve been doing same locally for ages (this area sadly being of one of the country’s darkest & deepest pits jobs-wise), being that the lack of stability of freelancing has certainly caused me problems—and a lot of other people, during the recession, as far as I can tell. But, I thought, if I’m investing so much time into this, why am I looking round here? I don’t like it round here.

Well, yes, down south was littered with bad judgement calls last time. I messed-up repeatedly as far as places to live were concerned, and my mom’s death was still affecting my morale. It went badly. But in actual fact, I didn’t want to leave. It just became the only ‘sensible’ option under the circumstances. Even at that, the experience left me shattered enough to ask my GP for anti-depressants. They helped a bit for a while, but I stopped taking them back in January because they had clearly outlived their use. Doing so hasn’t left me in a worse mood, at any rate. Perhaps a touch better generally, once withdrawal had passed.
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No, a real posting this time…

Last one was quite a weak excuse, wasn’t it? But, I’m in a Web Mood. I’ve just been brushing up on my Web skills a bit and thought I’d upgrade the place and add a few ideas I hit on elsewhere. And say hello, if anyone’s still reading. Always appreciate feedback, but prefer it not to be of an anyonymous nature.

My financial situation is still dreadful and the hunt for regular, stable work continues. Yeah, I’m told about my boundless talent quite often; just hasn’t paid off a great deal to date. But I’m still slogging away trying to get to a better position.
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Hi!

Phew, ain’t it just been the quietest on here? Is anyone still reading this? I think I asked before. I may back-date some posts if… Read More »Hi!

The Office

I did buy some office-friendly clothes today, including a shirt. The venue was H&M. I usually buy stuff from M&S, since we have food from there, but they’re pricey. H&M are cheaper, although their displays are appallingly untidy and disordered. And the clothes are quite dirty in some cases; they had a pale blue shirt I might have bought had they not all been mingingly filthy and creased… okay, they can be washed and ironed, but that’s not the point.

If this sounds like I’m planning to get an office job, well, I’m not. Not really. It would entirely upset my long-term image as an arty-farty anarchist. I’m merely being… pragmatic.
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Suit You

Yes: fashion! With all the good will in the world, I wouldn’t portray myself as a style icon. The majority of my wardrobe could be best described as casual—and like seemingly everyone else, I have a pair of those loose jeans that hang around the hips. But what about the more formal side?

I’m not familiar with suits. I’ve avoided offices most of my life, in pursuit of creative directions I have complete control over. It hasn’t been very successful. I remember working one day in an office six years ago (I lasted a whole day!), and I had immense trouble finding something to wear… I scrambled to find a pair of black trousers (which were very old), coupled with a shirt that wasn’t in the best condition of all time, only to find the man and woman in the office with me were wearing jeans! This is not typical of office situations, though.
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Does a New Year Mean Anything?

I’m not sorry to see 2003 go. It was in some ways a significant year… we got the house move situation sorted out, finally, and I made the arguably foolish decision to kiss Der State Benefit System goodbye because I no longer felt my life was my own…

That said, I can no longer define a year as a unit as precisely as I felt I once could. Each year once appeared to have a particular ‘personality,’ which no longer seems to be the case (to me). Well, after all, a year is just an arbitrary unit of measurement, so the former impression was probably illusory.
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Good Riddance

Well, I guess Christmas is almost over for another year. The Day Itself is done with. It seems like our television schedulers have given up any pretence of making any real effort this year… I wonder if that reflects an overall feeling of growing apathy?

Christmas day was just like a weekend day, really. Only with decorations and turkey. We ended up watching My Fair Lady in the afternoon, which I hadn’t seen for years. I’m not a musical fan, but this one’s a sentimental favourite for unknown reasons. I like it. Rex Harrison was great.
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Slight Improvement?!

I’m experiencing some emotional turmoil, with various factors ever-present. My employment situation, general isolation and lack of self-belief, etc. They’re big issues, without any obvious answers, and it drags my morale down constantly. It is possible in fifteen years to go from thinking you have tons of creative potential to believing you’re worth nothing. A long cycle of non-success is usually sufficient.
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Bored and Boring

I am feeling a little disillusioned again. It’s not been a good few weeks, and I can’t help noticing that I’ve largely failed to write anything even slightly interesting on this blog for some time. Depending on how you define interesting, maybe.

Perhaps a break is a good idea. I might feel better when this move is out of the way, but it’s dragging on ridiculously, to be honest. There isn’t any solid reason that it wasn’t more or less finalised a month ago. I’m incredibly bored, and I feel this is making anything I say incredibly boring…
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