I’ve just been fiddling around with how the site looks again. I keep getting to hate how it looks. It’s not a major change… I’ll probably do something else with it in a week or so. A poor excuse for a way to kill time, I expect.
What it really needs is good content! Hmph. Might be foxed on that one.
Read More »What’s the Point?
More on creative stuff (see May 26th). It’s hard to express my feelings on it, since they’re so changeable. But I think the basic thrust is that when I try to pressure myself into writing with the purpose of making money in mind, the enjoyment factor does drain away, completely… so that it’s no longer so easy for me to see how I feel about it at all… the money thing confuses the issue, confuses my feelings, and compounds my cynicism about the whole thing, not to mention my sense of being a failure.
*sigh* I think it’s far too complicated to unravel properly, to be honest.
Whatever the case, I seem to be not even trying at the moment. Maybe something will come to me, maybe it won’t. But I reckon I should let it come naturally.
Read More »Creativity Redux
Hmmm… well, I’m not even sure I have a need to do this blog anymore. But I guess I’ll keep it, at least until a better idea turns up. Maybe I’ll think of a good use for it sometime.
‘What about all your moaning about how crappy life is?’ Yeah, exactly. I’ve noticed that a lot of people use their blogs for that purpose and it makes me think, maybe perversely, that it must be a bit of a naff thing to do! In any case, I’d like to think that my desire to moan is diminishing… I could pretty easily whine about our dog’s illness, or the fact that my social life is, to say the least, minimalistic, but… it’s old. Been there, done it.
Read More »The Meaning of Whatever
Thinking about creative stuff. Again.
I’m not sure I actually enjoy writing all that much… the results can be pleasing on occasion, but the process itself, I’m not so sure about… I have a strong feeling I’m just grasping at something a few people seem to think I do well. I’ve read interviews with lots of writers and they always say, ‘I just have to write. Even if I was penniless and a complete failure, I’d still have a write. It’s a need.’ I don’t feel that. I’m just trying to find something that I can earn money from.
I did enjoy drawing. A long time ago. But once I realised I was crap, the enjoyment disappeared a good deal, because I’d spent several years chasing something I wasn’t real good at.
Read More »Creativity
I have been doing a bit more writing, but it’s in small bursts. I revised a story I wrote about a year ago, and I have four other new items in various stages of not being complete. I think I’d feel a lot more inspired if I felt better generally… but at least what I have written seems to be less crippled with infantile mannerisms than it used to be. I might even get a bit of self-belief back eventually.
Read More »Uninspired
Still working on getting rid of my flat. Moved a lot of stuff back home, but will need a van for bigger stuff. Feel a bit stupid to have wasted so much money on a move that never quite worked out, but still. When I finally do move to my own place, I think it basically has to be (a) when I’m more financially stable and independent and (b) somewhere else in the country, probably down South. Meantime, things should be okay-ish here, and at least money will be less tight.
Big decisions! Well, not really. I’m trying to decide if I should have something done with my crappy hair. I’ve been advised to have it shorter and maybe with a fringe. I’m not sure I like this idea…
Read More »Movin’ On