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Concentration

For some time, I’ve been struggling with concentration. Be it the dreaded “brain fog” (which most people seem to have these days), or just a general difficulty focusing on things for more than short periods… it’s certainly a nuisance, as well as an obstruction to engaging in much by way of “constructive” activity.

Too, I have been struggling with atrocious insomnia, a different problem but, I think, closely connected. And I believe the chief core of these issues is to do with stress, depression, anxiety & worry. I have a lot on my plate. At the end of this month, I have the tremendous pleasure of becoming 58 years old. To say the least, this is not something I have any enthusiasm about, as hinted at previously.

I’m definitely not one of those people disposed to “age positivity”. I see no merit in getting older whatsoever. On top of that, I am dogged with the feeling that I’ve substantially wasted my life—or thrown it away, if you like—with considerably less time left ahead of me (and considerably lower quality time, at that) than behind me, in which to… what? Redeem myself? Salvage my life? Make it all seem a bit more worthwhile? You get the drift.
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Battle of the Bulge

(Top note: the personal posts are back!! Please tell me this isn’t a mistake.)

NEWSFLASH: I need to lose weight.

REWIND: I think it’s fair to say that I’ve had my ups-and-downs, weight-wise!

I was always pretty skinny up until about 1988, when I first gained a bit of weight. And I do mean a bit. At the time I was drinking some alcohol and also smoking an amount of pot (which, I’m sure many of you know, gives you “the munchies”). So, I was aghast enough, after seeing a photo where I looked kinda round-faced, to go on a diet! I probably weighed 11 stones. But by mid-1989, I weighed a mere nine stones—the lightest I’ve been my entire adult life. In fact, I was a bit too light. I am, after all, 5’7″ (5’8″ in my prime), and my build, while not large, is not petite—so nine stones was pushing it!

It didn’t last long. I was back up to maybe 10.5 after a few months. And that, to my mind, was a good weight for me. Anyhow, I have to say that at the age of 20, losing weight was a breeze. I had a simple method: I just ate exactly half of every meal. The weight came right off, quickly & efficiently.
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London Stuff

My London trip last Friday went well. It was nice to have a break from all this house move stuff. The new place is still a mess and I’m starting to find it rather depressing. I know it’ll be sorted out eventually, but meanwhile, life is damned uncomfortable.

Anyway, London: I only got one half-decent snap. This is the Golden Jubilee Bridge, which Paul and I crossed to reach the South Bank and the National Film Theatre.

London October 3 2003
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Bored and Boring

I am feeling a little disillusioned again. It’s not been a good few weeks, and I can’t help noticing that I’ve largely failed to write anything even slightly interesting on this blog for some time. Depending on how you define interesting, maybe.

Perhaps a break is a good idea. I might feel better when this move is out of the way, but it’s dragging on ridiculously, to be honest. There isn’t any solid reason that it wasn’t more or less finalised a month ago. I’m incredibly bored, and I feel this is making anything I say incredibly boring…
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