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rest in peace

Fred H, RIP (2004-2018)

So: a belated return to posting on here, but it’s for a very sad reason. After getting over the New Year slash January funk, around January 24th, my beloved dog Fred started to get sick. At first it was extreme exercise intolerance, soon followed by alarming breathing difficulties and severe weakness/lethargy.

Fred January 2018

There he is above, asleep, back on January 6th. As far as we knew, he was more or less OK at this time. Very old, but fine.

An initial vet appointment early in February gave us a diagnosis of pulmonary fibrosis (apparently common in Westies) and suitable meds were given. I was not convinced or happy about this diagnosis; I had my own suspicions/fears, which later turned out to be correct. Anyhow, after a week or so, there was no improvement… and in fact, Fred had started to experience very obvious fluid build-up in his belly, which was having a big impact on his mobility and comfort.

We ended up going to a different vet by mid-February, and this time received the diagnosis I’d feared: Fred had terminal stage congestive heart failure. They drained his belly and started him on new meds (Vetmedin and Flurosemide), but in less than three days the fluid build-up (which was making it very difficult from him to lie down or rest) was becoming obvious once again. The drugs seemed to be doing nothing at all. We took him into the vet again last Saturday (Feb 24th), fully expecting him to not be coming home… but the vet we saw recommended an additional drug (Cardalis), as a last resort.
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Happy 2014

Well, I’ve left the blog unattended for aeons again. Just wanted to sneak in before this year is over and done with.

Hasn’t been a very good year, apart from the Bowie stuff. Chaotic, frustrating, lacking in any of the progress or affirmation I’m looking for.

And then, on November 25th, the author Joel Lane, who’d become a very good friend of mine in recent times, passed away suddenly. His delayed funeral, which I attended, was on December 23rd.

Happy 2014
The January 2012 Lodge meeting—Joel is at the back, partially obscured. The others are Steve Green, me and Theresa Derwin.
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Mom’s 70th

I’m backdating this post. I was preoccupied on the day and later went out with Steve to see a movie and have a quick drink.

But I had to mark the fact that August 13th 2013 would’ve been mom’s 70th birthday. Here’s she aged 21 in 1964…
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Renewal

As I type this specific sentence we’re at roughly 1:10am on the 27th. Of May. Not the friendliest of dates for me. Today, four years ago, my mother passed away. I’d be lying if I said it had been the greatest four years ever. It’s had its good points. Just not enough of them. And since moving back here in Dec ’07, I’d say the good points have receded quite dramatically.
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What’s Another Year

Yeah, 12 months tomorrow since mom died. Can’t believe it really, and I have no positive feelings to report on the matter.

Still in a bit of mess in terms of living situation too. Wish I could just get settled somewhere. Very depressed. May get drunk in a bit. Dunno. Not much else to say, really.

Here’s an early 1980s pic of mom…
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The Lost Weekend

During my absence I had a long weekend, June 30th-July 3rd, with Andy Luke of Livejournal Fame (or is that Andy Luke of YouTube fame?).

Andy was due here Friday afternoon. At noon that day, the guy next door very kindly took mom’s clothes in his car for me, to donate to a local charity shop. Four bags, plus a bag of clothes hangers. Sorting that out really did my head in. It’s like another door closing, you know? I was depressed and went back to bed for a while. Andy arrived around 4.15pm; I finally woke up (again!) at 4.30, called him and explained the situation, and all was well.
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Mom

Mom

That’s mom, some years before I even existed, in the early to mid-’60s. The older woman is her mother, my nan, who died in 1989. It’s one of four little photobooth snaps mom carried around in her purse right to the end. I found them last night and shed tears.

I want to remember her a little bit. Paul called me this afternoon and we were on for over two hours. A bit of a life-saver, that. He was interested to see some of the older photos as he met her a couple of times and spoke to her on the phone occasionally.
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