I think I consider myself an unsuccessful person in most respects. I’m always wary of buying into someone else’s subjective value system; our government would, no doubt, love to ram their values down all our throats forcibly if that were possible. I’m trying to define success on a personal level that means something to me.
Trouble is, even on my own terms, I can’t find much from my current or past life that would qualify as successful (or even especially rewarding, which is probably the best kind of success of all). I’ve wasted half my life treading water. I think my recent birthday still troubles me on that level.
I don’t think I relate to other people very well. Most people are very facile at pretending they’re okay (most of the time), really well adjusted and comfortable, etc. I’m not sure it’s possible for any of us to be genuinely comfortable in this intense, madhouse environment we’re living in. We’ve abandoned almost everything that constituted our default existence, and such profound artificiality can’t possibly hold together coherently. Well, I mean, it doesn’t! I think society is more culturally divided than it ever was, even though more people are straining to pretend otherwise. (Usually, alas, to flatter their own egos rather than to seek genuine change.)
And you know what? It surprises me when I realise that my increased cynicism was so heavily compounded by that obscenity in Iraq. It made me ashamed to be British. It affected me even more deeply than I knew at the time. My own depressing experiences with the government’s brain-dead, sociopathic underlings (which continue, but which I prefer not to discuss on here) has further enhanced my growing distaste.
At least my freedom isn’t so compromised that I’m disallowed from saying that I think Tony Blair is an evil, despicable bastard (and don’t for a second think I rate any of the other losers in UK politics—they can all fuck each other in hell for me). But give it time…
Success still eludes me.
Hi Chrissie,
Nice photo.
Very nice web site – well done !
Not sure why you are so concerned with Iraq ? Any chance you can explain why Iraq is an issue that specifically involves you so directly ?
Personally I neither love nor hate what has happened in Iraq – to put it simply I don’t have the information to hand to make a clear rational judgement. I guess that if I did, then there would be no common ground – as in so many things which involve people.
On one level I think no one misses Sadam and hopefully a lot of people are alive today who would have endured death and torture at Sadam’s hands.
On the other there is the on going loss of life and the potential for the USA to cop out of rebuilding Iraq and hence stoke up more hatred for the future.
But no one on an individual level has a chance to do anything about these issues and if the British army simply pulled out of Iraq now then this would probably mean a large number of deaths both civilian and military – hence we have to trust in the future.
On a personal level I too am 35 and could look back on my experiences in a similar manner – to a greater or lessor extent. But put simply, the past is irrelevant unless you make it so. All that matters is the now and the future.
The web site is great and many people would not know where to start, so there’s one huge accomplishment for you.
People do live in “fantasy” worlds, we can’t help but do so – as we can’t affect others decisions directly we are slaves to the media, government policy and others expectations.
On the job front I suggest you go for a Web Design job or even start your own company doing Web services. I know most people are expecting experience – but hell BLAG IT ! As long as you are confident in yourself in that you can eventually cope,,, I suggest you pick a couple of jobs and treat them as trial runs. Learn from your mistakes and try out new tactics in the next job. I’ve seen it done before (Not done is personally) but it’s a way of playing the system.
An issue doesn’t have to involve me directly for it to bother me. The ‘I’m all right Jack’ attitude doesn’t sit well with me at all.
Okay, so, Saddam: he’s evil. Old news. But more than a bit of the poverty/death in Iraq in the last 12 years was a result of the UN sanctions imposed—sanctions that affected the people on the streets of Iraq, not Saddam in his palace(s). My point? Plenty of mud can be slung in both directions.
I don’t particularly want to be a civilian of a country that thinks it should police the whole damned world. It needs to sort its own shit out before even thinking of going there. Especially not when it justifies its policing with patently false reasons, which has been demonstrated pretty well.
And, bottom line: this ‘good’ was achieved using the tried and tested method of pissing on the other side with superior force. What surprises me is how few people are appalled by this (and I suppose quite a few even got excited). So much for progress. If we still want to act like savages, I don’t know why we didn’t settle for cave-dwelling. Yeah, yeah, Saddam’s a savage—the propaganda, therefore, seems to be saying that two wrongs does make a right.
Like hell! Anyway, enough of that…
I did consider Web design for a while, but I don’t believe I have the skill to make it a success, either in design terms or on the technical side.
In any case, I’m not remotely confident in myself on any level.
Hi,
I was asking why Iraq as an issue bothers you so much because you view Iraq from an outside perpective with no direct involvement to tell how much media and government propaganda is true.
The media have taken various tones throughout both of the Afghanistan and Iraq wars. Notice how no comments outrage are being voiced about the lack of restructuring Afghanistan,,, basically not many people would buy news papers etc. But the public has a short term memory and an appitite for sensationalism.
But going back to Iraq,,, the problems in Iraq will only ever be solved by Iraq’s people. The methods used to get into a situation where Iraq’s people can form a viable future for themselves is not beyond question – all alternatives are bad other than Sadam being spirited away magically.
What I’m trying to say is that the methods used, lies told etc don’t really matter. As individual aspects they could be weighed and measured but they amount to nothing much. Iraq will come good, or would have come good only when Iraq’s people take control.
Sadam was in the way. Now he isn’t.
You could view Iraq in a similar way to Northern Ireland, the people decided they had enough and the situation changed. I hope the same for Iraq, when it does happen there will be nothing either the USA or UK can do about it because the whole population will enforce it. They have to realise their power, that’s all. I think within reason the USA and UK want this to happen – perhaps with some financial strings attached ? who knows.
As regards the UK being a world police, well it’s the same in day to day life. Someone has to stand up and be counted. I don’t agree that the UK has the resources or perhaps the best intentions. But compared to the alternatives then I think the UK has a more level view than most countries. It’s easy to knock someone who tries when those have not done themselves.
Mr Blair is ok, but I don’t think he weighs the British lives lost in his words. I do think there are a lot of problems in the UK, but these have been generated mostly by peoples attitudes and expectations. The media have a huge role to play in attitudes yet I doubt if they will change their tune.
By the way, I code business software. Never created a web page in my life other than a bit of training.
Knowing the people in the business most would struggle to do what you’ve done.
I think you can do it.
Yeah, well, I’m opposed to war and invasion and the use of force. I’m not going to see the pragmatic side of it this side of doomsday, because I totally reject the idea of two wrongs making a right—and bombing the hell out of Iraq was wrong, whatever the supposed objective was. We’ll never make any progress if the scum in power continue to resort to Neanderthal tactics every time a thorny problem arises.
Oh, and I am quite cynical enough to believe we never will make much progress in that respect. It just makes me sad. I don’t feel optimism about it.
So what do you think I’ve done on this site? It took a long time of fiddling and changing and revising to get to where it is right now; not a luxury you get making a site for someone else! And for all that, it’s fairly basic stuff. The database and commenting is all managed by Movable Type—no skill required. I’m okay with HTML and CSS… pretty lost outside of that. There are thousands of sites like this out there.
Neanderthal tactics have their place when dealing with Neanderthal’s.
After the Neanderthal’s are removed watch out for the politicians,,,
The reasons I say go for web design are:
1) You’ve already been through the pain of learning, if you’re interested then you’ll continue to learn.
2) The web site does what it’s supposed to. Not only that it’s very clear, concise and intuative. Which all mean low costs for both you and the client.
3) Looking at the other blogging sites this one stands out as being well structured and easily understandable – it doesn’t make you feel like you have to understand where the web site is coming from or I can’t be bothered with finding what I’m after,,, next web site.
4) Good computing is about simplicity, my brother came out with a remarkable comment (My opinion) – If it isnt simple it isn’t right. Damn true. You only have to look at the spiraling costs of some IT projects.
5) Most small business web sites use e-mail to bother validate and confirm credit card sales – the number etc is just punched in physically by an operator using a wee machine.
6) Taking 5) into account you could use cash raised to gain more experience in more expensive web development – DreamWeaver etc
7) I don’t rate .NET personally, Java is ok but not everyone has it. Moreover why lumber a company with potentially high costs every time it needs it’s site updated ?
Put it this way. If I needed a web site developed I would consider asking for you services and be happy in doing so.
Like I said, I don’t subscribe to the argument that descending to someone else’s level is a good enough reason. It’s an excuse. Only Neanderthals behave like Neanderthals. Dubya’s gung-ho, pseudo John Wayne bullshit defies parody.
Politicians, Neanderthals. Same thing. Wearing expensive suits doesn’t conceal the fact. It all comes down to who has the biggest weapons. Hell, that’s how the order of rule and government started to begin with. The more things change, etc…
I appreciate the positive words about the Web site, anyway. I don’t believe a word of it, but it’s flattering. The trouble is, all the people who praised my work (be it Web design or writing or drawing) over the years happened to be people not in a position to offer me anything. People who could offer something have invariably been rather less impressed. Make of that what you will. One thing I am confident about is that I’m not interested enough in this Web stuff to aggressively pursue it. Even this site bores me sick half the time.
I think I do a bunch of things moderately well and have a moderate interest in them… but I don’t do any single thing exceptionally well or have the drive to go after it head-on. I’m not ambitious. What is ambition, anyway, except something you’re more or less told you should have? I’d just like a means of not having to stress about money and not be harassed by government droids. My aversion to the rat race makes this harder. Maybe I’ll meet someone who wants to keep me, huh. I don’t have a problem with that. Fuck the system. It’s tiresome and depressing.
Neanderthal mentality is prevalent in todays society, especially in the UK compared to Europe. To deny violence and the associated affects on society leaves the weak individuals vulnerable – we all become herbivores trying to run away from the carnivores. Only communities working in coordination can quell individual acts of violence. Hence politics as you say and why we are here today.
Niether can you catagorise people by the shell they wear. People are what they do and have experienced,, the media would have us believe people are what they tell us.
The point is, either I’m right and this web site design is worth money. Or the other people are right and it’s not. Only you can find out who is right. Bare in mind that a lot of people are jealous and like to see someone who is down – makes them feel better about themselves. Unfortunately you are giving this crowd an easy ride, prove them wrong.
Nothing much comes to those that wait, no one will make your life easier. People might give you a chance but only if you won’t let them down. Business is about definates not charity. Play the part and get the respect, you might be surprised.
Ambition is not about the rat race unless you are in a company fighting your way up the ladder – something I’m personally not interested in.
The thing I love about IT is the chance to meet many different people with varied working lives and of course social lives. At the end of the day I hope I do something that makes someone happy, a thank you is worth a million pounds to me.
Ambition to me is appreaciation and from appreaciation I gain success. Money can be used as a method of measure but at the end of the day the best measure is your wishes compared to reality. Most people are earning good money because of who they know – not what they can do.
Being the best at something is no good if you cannot apply it to the real world. Being able to relate and apply IT skills to real people is worth far more than being able to create something fantastic that no one needs or can understand.
If only the best in a field were able to work then how few people would actually be working.
I’m sorry for saying this. Waiting for someone to hold your hand just ain’t gonna work. How many new people do you meet each week ? month ? year ? While you are stuck in your home thinking no one is interested ? How many people are looking for someone while they work ? You are missing out.
Take a chance and make two people happy,,, who know one of them could be you.
Anyway. End of Rant. I’ve been working for two years on a project and it still ain’t finished. And won’t get finished if I don’t get a move on. Two years stuck at home writing code,,, yuk on one level but hopeful on another.
Good luck, cheer up and pre happy christmas.
PS.
If you still feel there is no hope then I have one final suggestion. Have you done any volentary work ? It might give you a new perspective and again a chance to meet new people.
I understand what the rat race is about, as far at it might apply to me… it’d involve stacking shelves or something similar. I don’t feel inclined to do that and probably never will. Ambition is something else, but I don’t have that either.
The reason I don’t feel hopeful about this idea is that (a) Web design is something I’m only vaguely interested in, meaning I’d probably get sick to death of it if I had to spend more than a little bit of spare time on it, and (b) if this site is good, that means I can do one kind of site well, and it’d probably take a lot of time and effort to create something substantially different that was equally good… time and effort no one’d pay for and which I’d likely resent if it was something I had no personal interest in.
Oh, and you’re not the first person to suggest this. Another problem is that no one’s ever offered useful practical suggestions. In other words, even if I was passionate about it (which I certainly am not), I don’t have a single clue how this stuff works from a business standpoint. No one gives information for nothing, surprise surprise. Try a Web search. I already have, on a raft of different topics. [Comment truncated due to Movable Type DB corruption]
Hi,
Web development points.
a) Boredom. No one has any guarantees, we are all in the same boat. You either make the job interesting or you start a new career – in your case it is a new career so what do you have to loose ?
b) Web design might take too long. Ok, do a trial web site which offers your services – what you can do – and an e-mail ordering system. See how long it takes. Don’t include anytime spent on logo creation etc Text creation to a certain extent should be weighed against the fact that a client would provide you with most of this + marketing pictures etc.
You could even do the exercise on paper.
Don’t bother with the books etc. Take a look at the open university programs on BBC2 – I’ve seen web development highlighted at least twice. It was something about a small butchers implementing a web site and exporting UK products to Ex Pats in different countries – all orders were taken via e-mail. If you’re still interested try contacting the local universities (as in the BBC program) and the governments small business support – it’s something I will be doing in a year or so myself.
Volentary work is not crap – do you really think someone is going to hang around doing something for free if it is ? Some of the work envolves work abroad etc – may give you a different outlook and a chance to gain some contacts. If nothing else it will look good on your CV AND gives you the moral high ground in any interview. Who knows you may enjoy it and get an offer to work for a charity,,, Personally I think it would do your self esteem a whole lot of good – if my project fails then I will DEFINATELY be doing some volentary work to give me a new perspective.
Hey these are only ideas,,, but you have got to WANT to do something for yourself.
Maybe to me voluntary work is crap. Even though I didn’t use that word. The only particular incentive I feel about getting work is needing money. I’m not interested in going abroad and enduring poorer living conditions for the sake of not getting paid, either.
Surely a ‘new career’ is something you either do because you really want to do it or because it offers something concrete, i.e. good money. Like I said, even this site bores me a lot of the time… working on sites I don’t give a toss about for other people doesn’t sound promising, unless the money side of it offers strong prospects. I don’t see it.
Back when I was giving this idea serious thought (which, right now, I’m not, so this discussion is unlikely to go anywhere), I did try to make a site for offering such services. After farting around for two weeks on a very rough skeleton that frankly looked atrocious, I kind of realised it wasn’t going anywhere. This Web site isn’t representative of what I’d do on a regular, deadline-orientated basis. Why kid myself?
I have to want to do something for myself? Well, didn’t I already say I wasn’t ambitious? My only issue is being sick of money worries and being pestered by government people all the damned time. Beyond getting that kind of stress out of my life, I don’t have any particular thoughts about what I ‘want’ to do.
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