The end of the year. Thought I’d make a final entry, since I’m not particularly celebrating it… just coasting through it with mixed feelings and, I guess, a fairly relaxed mood.
New Year’s Eves past: I think of Dec 31st 1998, where it seemed I was in a pretty bad rut and unhappy with almost everything. As midnight struck, I leaned out of the open window of my bedroom and listened to all the parties going on, fireworks, etc., and said to myself, ‘This time next year, things will be quite different.’
I then think of Dec 31st 1999, the dawn of the so-called Millennium. Things sure were different! I’d tried a change of scenery, moving to Manchester in early October. It was a disaster. This time as midnight struck, I was having a bath—symoblically washing off the old year and planning to return home.
And so, Dec 31st 2000… spent in my new flat, with someone I thought was special. They weren’t, as it turned out, but I was deluding myself from the start. Midnight struck, and I was somehow still alone, as they dozed at my side unresponsively.
Now? Glad to be three years on… and what I’ve mostly gained from that time is perspective. It’s a hard lesson, and some people never learn it. So I’m lucky.
What does all this mean? It means I’m taking things easy. Life evolves on its own; you can’t force it. So I’m not trying to make this New Year’s Eve spectacular, or fun, or different. I’m sitting back and letting it happen, and really not worrying a whole lot.
See you next year! 🙂