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crime and punishment

Concentration

For some time, I’ve been struggling with concentration. Be it the dreaded “brain fog” (which most people seem to have these days), or just a general difficulty focusing on things for more than short periods… it’s certainly a nuisance, as well as an obstruction to engaging in much by way of “constructive” activity.

Too, I have been struggling with atrocious insomnia, a different problem but, I think, closely connected. And I believe the chief core of these issues is to do with stress, depression, anxiety & worry. I have a lot on my plate. At the end of this month, I have the tremendous pleasure of becoming 58 years old. To say the least, this is not something I have any enthusiasm about, as hinted at previously.

I’m definitely not one of those people disposed to “age positivity”. I see no merit in getting older whatsoever. On top of that, I am dogged with the feeling that I’ve substantially wasted my life—or thrown it away, if you like—with considerably less time left ahead of me (and considerably lower quality time, at that) than behind me, in which to… what? Redeem myself? Salvage my life? Make it all seem a bit more worthwhile? You get the drift.
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Pet Problems

Monday was a bit of a drama with our poor, ailing pooch, Fred. He seemed in quite a lot of discomfort and losing more blood than usual (usual being in the context of his illness). So off we went to the vet, completely expecting Fred to not be coming home with us. It was really quite traumatic.

However, the vet would not recommend putting him to sleep. The decision was in our hands. He suggested doubling the dose of Fred’s medication, and advised us to monitor his ‘quality of life’—that if he seemed in constant discomfort, that would be an indication that perhaps the time had come.

Well, as it has turned out, this was just a bad day, and the vet was right to be cautious. He’s seemed reasonably okay since then. We all know he won’t be around for too much longer, but it’s no joke to go through the experience of thinking it’s the end… and when it isn’t, knowing you’re going to go through it all again sometime.
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