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Preoccupied

It hasn’t been a week for drawing anything after all. Too much on my mind, I suppose. I’ve been looking for a job, i.e. full-time & salaried—down in the London area. I’ve been doing same locally for ages (this area sadly being of one of the country’s darkest & deepest pits jobs-wise), being that the lack of stability of freelancing has certainly caused me problems—and a lot of other people, during the recession, as far as I can tell. But, I thought, if I’m investing so much time into this, why am I looking round here? I don’t like it round here.

Well, yes, down south was littered with bad judgement calls last time. I messed-up repeatedly as far as places to live were concerned, and my mom’s death was still affecting my morale. It went badly. But in actual fact, I didn’t want to leave. It just became the only ‘sensible’ option under the circumstances. Even at that, the experience left me shattered enough to ask my GP for anti-depressants. They helped a bit for a while, but I stopped taking them back in January because they had clearly outlived their use. Doing so hasn’t left me in a worse mood, at any rate. Perhaps a touch better generally, once withdrawal had passed.

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Groundhog Day

Neat trip down memory lane for you. February 2002, to be exact. Funny thing is, I did return to the forum mentioned, sometime around this time of year in 2008. And boy, did I fairly quickly suffer for it… to the extent that by Sept ’08, I left again. The attacks on me (from one particular person) continued even after I left and eventually I returned to the forum again in May ’09—for reasons unclear to me, I must admit. To be fair, the problem with this individual was ultimately resolved, but a perhaps less drawn-out but actually more sinister and troublesome issue with another person developed.

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Renewal

As I type this, we’re at roughly 1:10am on the 27th. Of May. Not the friendliest of dates for me. Today, four years ago, my mother passed away. I’d be lying if I said it had been the greatest four years ever. It’s had its good points. Just not enough of them. And since moving back here in Dec ’07, I’d say the good points have receded quite dramatically.

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What’s a Home?

My living situation. Well… I’ve lived in a bunch of places the last few years—though I didn’t expect to end up back on the same street where my mother died—but I really don’t feel I’ve had a home. Whatever that is.

Been back here two-and-a-half years now and I feel like it’s more than enough. Would it be unfair to call this place a shit-hole? Perhaps. There are worse places. But it is a shit-hole. Maybe not a Premier League Shit-Hole, but still a shit-hole. (How many times can I say ‘shit-hole’ in the space of one paragraph?! Let’s see…) More, it’s a shit-hole I planned and contrived to escape from for about ten years or so. And I did. Twice. First time was when I moved to an even bigger shit-hole called Salford in 1999. Second time, when I played ‘moving home every five minutes’ down South in 2006-07. Both times, I ended up back in the shit-hole ultimately. I think it’d be fair to say this shit-hole is somewhere I need to get out of my life. Badly.

(Nine times.)

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Political Shenanigans

[EDIT Dec ’10: I ABSOLUTELY DO NOT stand by the hopelessly braindead optimism expressed below in light of the hypocrisy, bullshit and general sleazy frippery we’ve all been sickened by subsequently…]

The burning question might be, did I vote? Historically, I haven’t voted. The two-party system, to me, always feels like a choice between herpes and dysentery. This has been particularly true since Labour rebranded themselves as a centre party after the death of John Smith in 1994. If Nu-Lab were one or two hairs left of centre, that’d be the limit; and after the Iraq farce and the pending initiation of an Identity Card scheme that is straight out of Orwell, I would find it hard to view them as a leftist party at all.

Two Heads

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Hi!

Phew, ain’t it just been the quietest on here? Is anyone still reading this? I think I asked before… I’m not giving up on the place, y’know, as this is actually the year of its tenth birthday. But with a very tough, ongoing struggle to find work and just doing other ‘stuff’, it’s been low on my list. Are blogs fashionable anymore?

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